


My Sweet Savior ; Choi San

by yoon_han_byeol



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ATEEZ - Freeform, F/M, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22922527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoon_han_byeol/pseuds/yoon_han_byeol
Summary: Where would I be now if I didn't show up at his door that night? Where would I be now if I didn't tell him my secret? Where would I be now if I didn't let him help me even when we both knew it was going to be dangerous?
Kudos: 7





	1. PROLOGUE

I turned around in bed, for the millionth time that night. Frustrated that I couldn't sleep, I sat down on the bed with my back to the wall. I turned my head and looked at San, peacefully sleeping next to me. I smiled softly.

Where would I be now if I didn't show up at his door that night? Where would I be now if I didn't tell him my secret? Where would I be now if I didn't let him help me even when we both knew it was going to be dangerous? I would be no one, or worse, I probably wouldn't even exist anymore. I shook my head to get those thoughts out of my mind.

San moved and put his arm around my waist.

《Come back here》 he said, still half asleep

I laid back down and moved closer to him. I put my head on his chest and he hugged me closer.

《I love you》 he whispered, right before he fell asleep again

《I love you too, Choi San》 I replied


	2. ONE

I always thought the torture would end once I finished high school and went to university, but then I found out university was the exact same thing, if not even worse.

I walked in the hallways, trying to ignore the stares of everyone else. I hated that everyone knew who I was and I hated that everyone judged me for my appearance.

The fact is, that I am a normal girl. I don't look special, or anything. The only difference from me and other girls is that I was always alone, and never talked to anyone. I didn't have friends and I've almost never spoken with my classmates. The only time people could hear my voice was when I had to do a presentation. I was so quiet that for the first week of school everyone believed I was mute.

However, even if I was the quiet one, I was still in the spotlight. I managed to enter in the best university of Seoul, the most expensive one also, because of a scholarship. Everyone knew I wasn't at the same level as them, economically speaking, and the fact that I was there was like a mystery to them. A lot of people kept an eye on me, suspicious and curious.

The only other people that caught the same attention as me, were a group of 8 boys, really popular at school because they were as handsome as models. Every time they walked through the hallways it was like they were walking on the red carpet. Everyone gave them space and looked at them with awe. They were like gods to the others students, especially to the girls.

After class, I usually always went to the back garden of the university, where there's a big staircase. I usually sat there to enjoy my breaks. That day, as soon as I sat down, I my phone rang and I sighed, looking at the name of the caller.

《Hello》 I answered, monotone

《Well hello to you too》 said my mother 《Since you are still alive you could also waste a couple of minutes from time to time to call home》

《I'm sorry I was busy with school》

《Your sister in busy too but at least she calls us》 replied my mother

I rolled my eyes.

《How is she?》 I asked as an habit, not because I really wanted to know

《She's in Hong Kong right now. Her husband is working with a really important Chinese company at the moment》

《Great》

《And this makes me wonder...》 she said 《How's Ryan?》

I sighed. Of course she's didn't ask about me, but she's still asking about him.

《I don't know》 I replied 《I haven't heard from him in a couple of days. He says he's busy with work》

《You should call him and ask him when he's going to have some free time, so that we can all have dinner together》 my mother said 《I haven't seen my future son-in-law in so long》

I clenched my fist, trying to calm down.

《I'll see what I can do》 I replied

《I'm sure that if you tell him that I want to see him, he will-》

《Sorry mom I have to go》 I cut her off, hanging up the phone

I looked at my phone, wondering if I should call him or not. I shook my head and put it away. If I call him while he is busy he would get angry at me.

I heard people talking and laughing, and I looked up, curious. In all those months I came to sit here, I have only seen a couple of people do the same. I was surprised when I saw the groups of boys come to this side of the school.

《I came here the other day and I assure you it's really quiet》 one of them said

When I could finally see their faces I recognized them. They were the 8 popular boys that girls drooled over. They stopped when they noticed they weren't alone.

I looked at them with a blank expression, and they looked at me surprised. Then they looked at each other, silently asking one another if they should go away or stay.

《You can sit here too》 I said 《I'm not gonna kill you》

They looked at each other again and then shrugged, finally sitting down, far from me. I took out a textbook to revise a subject, but then I felt like someone was staring at me. I looked up and noticed that one of the boys was looking at me. As soon as he saw that I noticed him, he turned away and acted as if he was doing something else. I was sure that I knew all of their names, it was impossible not to, so I looked at his back for a couple of seconds, trying to remember his. He quickly glanced at me on more time, and I finally remembered. His name was San.

Why was he looking at me like that? Did I have something on my face? Did I look weird?

I tried to not think about him occasionally glancing at me, but it was really distracting, so at some point I took my things and left the place. I could still feel his gaze on me while I was walking away.

After that moment, every time I walked past them or saw them from afar, I noticed that San was always looking at me, and it was starting to get on my nerves. His stare was just blank and I really couldn't understand what his thought were.

I was taking my books from my locker, when someone walked to me and stopped next to me. I glanced up and widened my eyes, surprised. No one ever approached me in any way, and seeing who it actually was, was even more surprising.

《Hey》 said San

《Hi》 I replied, hesitant

《You're Y/N, right?》

《How do you know my name?》

《I asked around》 he admitted, a little embarrassed

《It's never good to hear of a person from someone else》 I replied

I knew well what the other students here thought of me. I heard a lot of them calling me a stone cold bitch. San was taken back by my attitude.

《I only asked for your name, nothing more》 he replied

《Okay》 I said, shrugging

I took my book and started walking away.

《Wait, where are you going?》 he asked

《Home》 I said, like it was obvious

《I wasn't done talking》

《Oh, sorry》 I said 《Go on》

He glared at me, and then continued.

《I wanted to know if you wanted to meet for a coffee》 he said, confidence and pride evident in his voice

《Are you asking me out?》 I asked

《Yes》 he replied, not understanding why I was still asking questions instead of agreeing to going out with him

《Why?》

《Because I want to know you》

《Why would you want to know me?》

《Why are you asking so many questions?》 he asked, annoyed

《In case you haven't noticed, I don't talk to anyone here》 I replied 《I don't have time and I don't want to make friends, so no, I'm sorry but I won't go out for coffee with you》

《Jeez, you're really a bitch》 he said to himself, but it was still loud enough for me to hear

I looked at him, trying not to seem angry even though I was.

《Then you can gladly get out of my sight》 I replied

I turned around and walked away. I hated being mean, but I knew well enough that friendships and relationships are just painful.

San looked at me while I was walking away, and scoffed.

《At what hour is the date?》 said Yunho, suddenly appearing next to him

《Never》 replied San, walking away

《She rejected you?》 he asked surprised, running after his friend.

——

San was having drinks with his friends, when Yunho decided to tell everyone that he had been rejected for the first time in his life.

《Really?》 asked Wooyoung, impressed

San nodded, drinking his bear.

《She's got some guts》 said Mingi

《I asked about her and a girl in my class said she's a bitch》 said Yeosang 《Apparently she has no friends and doesn't talk with anyone unless it's the teacher that's asking her a question. She never goes to parties or clubs to have fun, and she's almost always rude when people ask her to join them》

《Yeah I noticed that one》 San replied, bitter

《She's also the best in her department, but it seems like she is on a scholarship》 Yeosang added

《You're just gonna let it go like that?》 asked Jongho

《Of course not》 replied San 《But I need to know her better before I teach her a lesson. I need to know how to get to her》

《Good luck》 said Hongjoong 《This one looks really difficult to handle》

《Don't worry, I know what to do》

《Be sure not to break your heart in the meantime》 added Seonghwa, out of the blue

《Who do you take me for?》 said San

《I know you never fell in love, but this one looks like the type of girl that could get you settled up》 he said 《And you already seem too interested in her》

《I'll be just fine》 replied San

Seonghwa shrugged, and the rest of the boys thought about what he said. They didn't say it out loud, but everyone agreed with Seonghwa. A girl with a strong character was the type of woman who could get San to fall in love, and probably even break his heart.

——

The next day, when I arrived at the university, one of my teachers approached me.

《Y/N, can I talk to you for a second?》 she asked

《Of course》 I said

《I was told this morning that the music department needs someone to take care of the equipment and the programs they use. They asked if there was someone in our department that could help them, and since they said it will give the student a lot of credits, I thought you might be interested》

Since I was on a scholarship, every kind of credit was useful.

《I can do it》 I replied

《Great》 she said 《Then you can go there now》

《But I've got your lesson now》 I replied

《Don't worry I'll make sure to give you the notes》 she said 《It's best if you go to them now, I don't want their department head to complain to me》

《Okay》

We parted ways and I walked to the music department. When I entered the recording room where the teacher said they were waiting, I froze.

《Is this a joke?》 I asked

《Hello to you too, sweetheart》 said San

《Are you the technician?》 said Wooyoung, with a smirk on is face

 _Why do I feel like this wasn't a coincidence?_ I thought.

《Why am I here?》 I asked

《Because we need you》 said San, faking innocence

《For what》

《We've got new equipment that needs to be installed》

Hongjoong took a couple of boxes and put the equipment out. I looked at it and scoffed.

《It the most simple thing ever》 I said 《And you've literally got the instructions right there. Are you that dumb that you can't even read them?》

San's eyes became darker.

《You need those credits》 he growled 《So now you have to work for them》

I contemplated walking out of the room and never coming back, but he was right. I needed those credits. I sighed and started installing the equipment without saying a word. San smirked satisfied and I glared at him.

 _This is not the end Choi San_ , I thought.


	3. TWO

For one week they made me work like a slave. I spent more time fixing their things than at lessons. As if trying to not be left behind with studying and working for them wasn't enough, I had to bare their constant teasing and change of minds. Every single second I could feel their eyes on me, especially San's. I didn't want to be rude to them, because unfortunately they could ruin my scholarship, but working with them was really stressing me out.

《You're doing it wrong》 said San, while I was connecting the computer to the stereo

《Who's the tech student here?》 I replied, glaring at him

He scoffed.

《Why are you guys always here when I have to work?》 I asked 《Don't you have lessons?》

《We have to make sure you do your job right》 replied San

《And we can't risk you accidentally breaking the equipment》 said Jongho 《Or stealing something》

《What could I even steal?》 I mumbled to myself 《Everything is registered under the school's name. Even if I tried to sell something they'd catch me right away》

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

Hongjoong entered the room telling the boys that they had to practice a song, so everyone left. Everyone but San, obviously. He had to stay there and piss me off even more.

Then, my phone rang and I stopped doing what I was doing to see who it was. When I saw the name my eyes widened.

《Hey! You can't use your phone-》

《Shut up》 I ordered

San was taken back, so he did as I said. I took a deep breath and answered.

《Hello?》 I said

《Where are you?》 Ryan asked

《I'm still at the university》 I replied

《I'm coming to pick you up, so you better finish what you are doing》 he said

《Yeah I was done anyway》 I lied 《I was just about to go home》

《I'm already on my way》 he said 《I'll be there in 5 minutes》

《Okay》 I replied, but he had already hung up

《Who was that?》 asked San, curious

《My boyfriend》 I said

 _She has a boyfriend?_ he thought, _that's why she rejected me the other day._ San felt a bit bad, realizing he was holding a grudge for nothing. He had just misunderstood the situation. He thought I was rude to him for nothing, while I was actually already taken.

《You're not done here though》 he said

《I am》 I replied and took my things

《Hey!》 he yelled behind me, chasing me while I was walking away 《If you go away now you risk not having your credits》

I stopped and turned to look at him.

《You can threaten me as much as you want, but I cannot do what you want right now》 I replied

《Do you miss your boyfriend that much that you can't wait to see him?》

I ignored him and walked to the parking lot. San kept following me and teasing me, but I just ignored everything he said. The black luxurious car parked in front of us, and Ryan got off. He walked to me and glared at San, who was still behind me.

《Are you ready, babydoll?》 he said

《Yes》

I got in the car and anxiously watched as Ryan got in the driver seat and started the engine.

《Who was that guy?》 he asked, serious

《He's just a guy from the university》 I said

《You're not friends with him, are you?》

《He just stopped by to ask for an information on a course》 I lied

《Good》 he replied, putting his hand on my thigh. I slightly flinched but he pretended not to notice.

When we arrived at my apartment, I had to cook dinner for him. Unfortunately for me, he told me to put a bottle of wine at the table. I knew that it wasn't a good sign, but I couldn't do otherwise. We ate dinner and he drank the whole bottle of red wine on his own. After we ate, Ryan went to the bedroom and I washed the dishes.

When I finished washing the last plate, I stopped for a second. I knew what was going to happen next and I didn't want to think about it. I shook my head, and headed to the bedroom before Ryan came to look for me. As soon as I stepped in the room, he pinned me to the wall, kissing my neck. Instinctively I tried to gently push him away, but he grabbed my wrists.

《How many times have I told you to not resit it?》 he growled

I gulped and he dragged me to my bed, basically throwing me on it.

《I missed this so much》 he said, before getting on me

——

The next morning I woke up early and took a shower, trying to get the feeling of his hand off of me. I got dressed and tried to make myself look at least a little decent.

Ryan wanted to give me a ride to school, so I had to go there with him. The ride was silent and I felt a bit anxious. When we arrived in front of my university he made me turn to look at him and grabbed my face, forcing a kiss on my lips.

《I'm leaving for another business trip》 he said 《I don't know how long that will be》

《Have a safe flight》 I weakly said, getting off

He waved at me and went away. When I saw the car disappear, I released the breath I was holding.

I went to class and tried to focus on the lesson, but I felt void inside. I felt tired and useless. I still tried to take notes during the lesson, but after a while I notice half of the words I was writing were wrong and the sentences made no sense. I was too out of it to actually pay attention to what the teacher was saying.

That day, instead of going to the dance department to do my job, I just went to the usual staircase, hoping to relax a bit. Seeing that I wasn't showing up, San went around the university to find me. He first went to my department and to the classes he knew I had lessons in. Then he decided to try to see if I was in the spot he saw me for the first time, and unfortunately he found me.

《What are you doing here?》 he asked 《You should be working》

《Not today》 I replied, coldly

《I don't think you understand》 he said 《You can't do whatever you want, you have to follow our orders》

《I said not today》 I yelled

He looked at me, surprised.

《What the fuck is wrong with you》 he said

《I'm clearly not in the mood, so leave me alone》

《Don't think you won't have to face the consequences》 he said, finally leaving me alone

《I hate my life》 I said, closing my eyes

——

That night when I went back home I could still feel the smell of Ryan's cologne and I felt the need to vomit. I tried to open the windows but it was like the smell didn't want to leave. I went to the bedroom, but as soon as I saw the bed I thought of the night before and frowned. I needed to do something, or that night I wouldn't have been able to sleep.

Without even changing to more appropriate clothes, I walked out of my house and went to the nearest pub. As soon as I sat at the bar, I asked for the strongest drink they had. The bartender handed me the drink and watched me while I drank it all at once. It burned, but I loved the feeling.

《Another one》 I said to him

He was shocked, but still prepared another one. Unfortunately for me my alcohol tolerance was really high, and it took me a lot of drinks to actually get drunk. I took my new drink and this time I drank it slowly.

《Hey, isn't that Y/N?》 I heard someone say

I slightly turned around and tired to see who it was with the corner of my eyes. I sighed in defeat when I noticed it was Wooyoung and San. I saw San get up from his seat and I looked away.

《I can never live in peace, can I?》 I asked to myself

San arrived next to me, but I cut him off before he could talk.

《What the hell do you want, San?》

《Jeez, I haven't even spoken yet》 he said

《What do you want?》 I repeated

《I just came to ask how you were》 he said, with a smirk 《I know you never come to clubs. Something must have happened for you to come here》

He looked at the drink in my hand.

《And it looks like you plan on gettin wasted》 he added, amused

《I just wanted to drink a bit》 I said

《Why? Something wrong with your boyfriend?》 he teased 《Did you have an argument?》

《San, if you don't shut the hell up I'm not afraid to hit you》 I hissed 《You already know I'm in a bad mood, so why are you still trying to get on my nerves?》

《Because it's funny》

《I can put up with you on a normal day, but tonight is not it》 I said 《Leave me alone》

《What if I don't?》 he teased

I looked at him and for the first time he noticed something new in my eyes. They were begging him to stop.

《Please, leave me alone》 I said 《Just for tonight》

He hesitated, looking at me in my eyes, then looked away, embarrassed.

《Remember to come to our department tomorrow》 he said

He left, and at first I was confused but I just let it slide for the time being and kept drinking.

 _Tomorrow he'll probably make me meet with the head of their department to take away my credits_ , I thought, sighing.


	4. THREE

The next day I went to the music department as soon as I got at the university. I wasn't curious to know what was going to happen. I was pretty sure San would have tried to ruin me, especially after the way I treated him the day before.

I went to the usual recording studio, but none of the boys was there. I stopped a student in the hallway and asked him if he happened to see San.

《He was in the dance room 9 a while ago》 he said

I thanked him and went to the dance room. I was about to open the door and enter without even knocking, but then I looked thought the window on the door and stopped.

San was alone in the room and he was focused on dancing. I could barely hear the music, but it wasn't important. His movements alone were enough to catch my attention. I didn't understand much about dancing but I could tell he was really good at it. They way he was moving, so carefree and elegant, made my heart flutter.

To see him better and also listen to the song, to fully understand his dance, I entered the room and stood next to the door. He was so focused on dancing that he didn't even notice my presence until the song ended. When he noticed me, he slightly flinched, surprised.

《What are you doing here?》 he asked

He was out of breath, but his tone was still annoyed.

《You told me to come here yesterday》 I said

《I thought you were going to come later》 he replied

《Well, I thought that if I had to ruin my day, it was probably better to do it from the morning. At least I know the day won't get worse》

He shook his head.

《You're always so negative》 he said, and I shrugged

He went to pick up a towel and put it around his shoulders.

《Before you speak》 I said 《I wanted to apologize about yesterday》

Despite what people thought of me, I didn't enjoy being a bitch. I felt bad for treating San like that, but they before I wasn't in my right mind and couldn't do anything about it.

《Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I can't control what I do or say》 I continued 《I'm often rude, but yesterday it was really uncalled for. I'm sorry》

San was surprised, but glad that I apologized.

《I accept the apology》 he replied

I nodded, feeling awkward.

《You can come back here after your lessons》 he said 《You don't have to rush, you can take your time》

《You're still making me work for you?》 I asked, confused

《Yeah, why?》

《I thought you were going to take away my credits or something》

《I'm not a jerk》 he said, looking away

I couldn't help but smile, seeing that he was embarrassed. For the first time he looked cute in my eyes.

《See you later, then》 I said

I waked to the door, and I was about to leave when I stopped and turned around.

《San》 I called him 《You were good at dancing earlier》

He slightly blushed. He usually never dances in front of other people because he wan't confident. My comment flustered him. I left the room and went to class.

Sometimes during the lessons San's blushing face came to mind and I couldn't help but smile. _How did I not notice before how cute he is?_

I had to ask a teacher something about a project, so when the lessons of that day ended, I talked with him about it. After all, that day I didn't have to rush to the music department since San said I could take my time.

Once I talked with the professor, I headed to the studio. I didn't want to admit it, but I was kind of excited to see San again. Since I apologized, maybe we could have become friends. He didn't seem like a bad guy.

When I entered the studio, all of the boys were there.

《Why are you so late?》 said Hongjoong, annoyed

《I told her to take her time》 said San 《She doesn't have to rush here every day》

All the boys turned to look at their friend, shocked.

《Why?》 asked Yunho, confused

《We started with the wrong foot and I took it out on her》 he replied 《It wasn't fair》

The boys were still surprised, feeling that they were missing out a piece of the story. San shrugged at them, then smiled shyly at me. I asked them what I had to do and I started working.

The hours passed without me even realizing it, and one after one all the boys left. The only one that stayed with me was San. I was attaching some machines in the back of the studio, when I turned around and hit a pointy metal part. I touched my arm in pain and noticed I was bleeding.

《Are you okay?》 asked San, coming to check on me

When he saw the blood his eyes widened.

《Come with me》 he said

《It's okay-》

《You're bleeding!》

He gently grabbed the arm that wasn't injured and brought me to a small room, where he took a fist aid kit out of a shelf. He let me sit on a desk and started treating my wound.

《Sorry》 he said, when I hissed for the pain

After he cleaned it, he put a bandage on it.

《Thanks》 I said

《No problem》 he replied

《I should finish what I was doing》 I said, getting up

《It's late, you should just go home》 he replied 《You can continue tomorrow》

I nodded and went to the door, but when I turned the handle, the door didn't open. I tried again but it wouldn't work.

《I can't open the door》 I said, starting to panic

《Let me try》

He came next to me and tried to open it, but nothing changed.

《It looks like we are stuck here》 he said

《My phone is in my bag in the other room》 I said

《Mine's there as well》 he replied 《It's late and everyone already went home. I think we have to wait for tomorrow》

《I can't stay here》 I said

I wasn't fond of the idea of sleeping in a storage room in the university, but I was most worried about not having my phone with me. If Ryan called me and I didn't answer, I would have been in trouble.

《We don't have a choice》 San replied 《There's not even a window in this room》

I sighed in defeat and sat on the floor. For the first hour we didn't talk. I guess he felt a bit anxious being with me there, because I had put my resting bitch face back on, since I was frustrated about being there. Then my stomach growled, and both San and I busted out laughing.

《Are you hungry?》 he asked, amused

《Just a bit》 I replied

《There nothing here...》 he said, looking around

《I can wait for tomorrow》 I assured him

He looked like he wanted to say something, and after a couple of minutes of hesitation, he did.

《How long have you and your boyfriend been together?》 he asked

I tensed.

《Why do you want to know?》 I asked

《I'm just curious》 he replied, shrugging

I couldn't avoid the question because it would have seemed suspicious, so I endured it and answered.

《Almost two years》

《What's his name?》

《Ryan》

《He looks older than us, how old-》

《San》 I cut him off, harshly 《Stop asking questions》

《I'm sorry》 he said, looking away

Feeling bad for snapping at him, I tried to change the subject.

《How long have you been dancing?》 I asked

《Since I was little》 he replied 《I always knew it was what I wanted to do》

《I don't understand much about music or dancing, but this morning, when I watched you, I was almost tearing up》 I said 《I never thought dancing could transmit so many emotions》

《You were lucky》 he said 《Not many people saw me dance》

《Why?》

《I don't feel good enough, so I'm embarrassed when other people watch me》

《You were really good though》 I said 《There's no need to feel embarrassed》

《Thank you》

For the rest of the night we kept talking about random things. We talked about his dreams and passion for music, then we shared the little things we liked, for example favorite foods or artists. After a while I started feeling tired and my head felt heavy. San noticed I was dozing off and he caught me before I fell to the ground.

《Sorry》 I said, half asleep

《You can lay down and put your head on my lap if you want》 he said

《It's okay》 I replied

《if you stay like this you might end up hitting your head on the floor》 he said 《You should lay down》

Before I could reply, he gently made me lay down and put my head on his lap. As soon as he did, I fell asleep. He looked at me for a while, taking away the few strands of hair that were on my face, then he fell asleep too.

The next morning we woke up because of the cleaning lady, coming in the room to take what she needed to clean the classrooms.

《What are you doing here?》 she asked

《We came here yesterday and the door got stuck》 replied San 《We couldn't get out》

《Thank you for telling me》 she replied 《I'll tell the school to get it fixed》

San woke me up and helped get up. As soon as I walked out of that room, I ran to the studio. I took my bag and checked my phone, releasing a big breath of relief when I noticed there were no missed calls or texts.

《You should go eat something》 San said

《Yeah, I'm starving》 I replied

《Do you want to eat with me?》 he asked 《I'll buy》

《Okay》

We both took our things and went out to eat.


	5. FOUR

During the following days San and I started talking more and I felt like we were slowly bonding. The boys were still confused about our change in behavior and kept being a little unfriendly to me, since they thought it looked suspicious.

San also invited me to eat with them once, and his friends glared at me for the whole time. I tried to not be fazed by it, but it wasn't easy. I understood why they didn't like me, but it was like they didn't even want to give me a chance. They were seeing me by the things people said about me, and not who I really was.

《Are you doing something tonight?》 asked San

《Probably not》 I answered

《You should hang out with us》 he said 《We'll be going to a club》

Jongho must have kicked him under the table, because San flinched and winched in pain, then glared at the boy who was sitting in front of him.

《Maybe it's not a good idea》 I said

《Come on, let's have fun for once》 he insisted

《I'll think about it》 I replied

I didn't want to go because I didn't like clubs in general, and also because I clearly felt like the rest of them didn't want me there. For the rest of the day I kept thinking about ways to reject the invitation, but I couldn't think of anything.

When I went back to my apartment that night, I thought I could relax, but then my phone rang.

《Hello?》

《I heard Ryan came back home a couple days ago》 my mom said

《Good evening to you too》 I mumbled, annoyed

《Ryan was here and you didn't tell him to come visit us?》

《He stayed for one night and left again for another trip》 I replied 《He didn't have the time》

《I feel like you don't want us to bond》 said my mom 《You are not putting any effort in your relationship with him, or in your relationship with us》

《You know I'm busy...》

《Your sister is doing amazing and she's busier than you》

《Look, mom, I have to go》

《Don't you dare hung-》

But I hung up before she finished the sentence and I sighed. I looked at the clock and noticed it was almost time for the boys to go to the club. I took my phone again and texted San that I was going too, and left my house again.

When I entered the place, I noticed it was already full of people and the music was too loud for my liking. I frowned, regretting my choice. I noticed the boys sitting in a corner of the room, so I went to them.

《You made it》 said San, happy

《Yeah...》 I replied, not so excited

《Sit here》 he said, pointing at the seat between him and Wooyoung

I sat there and looked around. Seonghwa ordered drinks for everyone and the boys started drinking like their lives depended on it. I, on the other hand, only drank one drink.

《So...》 said Wooyoung, putting his arm around my shoulder 《Why did you come tonight?》

《San asked me to come》 I replied, obvious

_Why was he asking? He was there when San asked me to tag along._

《And what are your intentions with him?》 he said

《What are you-》 I tried to say, but San cut me off

《Leave her alone Wooyoung, she has a boyfriend》

《Oh, do you?》 he asked, looking at me, amused 《So you're two-timing them?》

《Wooyoung, shut up!》 San snapped

Wooyoung chuckled and got up, walking to the dance floor.

《I'm sorry about him》 said San

《It's okay》 I replied. I didn't mind what Wooyoung said.

After a while some of the boys decided to go to the dance floor as well, and San was one of them. You watched San dance with his friends, then with some random girls.

I couldn't deny that San was handsome. After all he was famous around my university for being good looking, but there was something about him that made him really attractive. There was something that made people turn around just to have a glance at him. It was impossible to take your eyes off of him.

When they boys came back to where we were, they kept drinking. After a while, I noticed that San seemed completely wasted.

《You should go home》 I told him

《Then take me home》 he replied

《Me?》 I asked, confused 《Why would I?》

《You're the only one paying attention to me at the moment》 he said, pouting 《And I want you to take me home, not anyone else》

I scoffed.

《You'll have to ask one of your friends, cause I'm not doing it》

《But they're all busy, and equally drunk, if not more》

《Then go home alone》 I replied 《Take a damn taxi》

《But what if I go alone and I happen to get ran over while I cross the street?》 he said, dramatically 《Will you be able to live with the thought that you could have been the reason why I died?》

《Jesus christ》 I said, exasperated 《I'll take you home, for god's sake》

He smiled, and his dimple showed. San told the boys we were leaving and I helped him get up and walk to my car. Then, I got in and tried to understand where his house was, based on the half informations he decided to give me. It took us more than half an hour to get there, but once we finally arrived, I stopped the car and looked at him.

《You can get off now》 I said

《You want me to go there? Alone?》 he said, then shook his head 《I'm not going》

I rolled my eyes and got off of the car, then went to the other side and basically dragged him out. We entered the building and took the elevator to get to his floor.

《The password》 I said, once we arrived in front of his apartment

《Don't look》 he said teasingly, pressing the numbers

《Good night, then》 I said, when he opened the door

《Wait!》 he said 《My bedroom is still far away, and I can't get there on my own》

He tried to take a step towards me, and almost lost balance. I helped him get on his feet again and took him inside. I knew he wasn't as drunk as he wanted to look like, but he looked really convinced that he was doing a good job at pretending, and I found it strangely cute.

We were walking in the corridor, trying to get to his room, when he suddenly stopped. He turned around a bit and got closer to me.

《You smell really good》 he said

His lips were dangerously close to my neck, and I could feel his warm breath.

《San...》

《I want you》 he said 《You have no idea how much I want you》

《You're drunk》 I said, my voice a bit shaking 《You don't know what you're saying》

He gently pushed me back till my back was against the wall. One of his hands was on my waist, the other was caressing my cheek. The closeness was stressing me out and I knew that I couldn't force myself out of that situation and it made me feel powerless.

《You look so good here, like this》 he said 《I need to touch you》

《San, please don't》 I stuttered

I tried to put a hand on his arm, to push him away, but I was shaking too much. He seemed to notice that I was uncomfortable and stepped back, looking confused. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to breathe regularly.

《I'm sorry》 he said 《I didn't mean to cross the line》

I couldn't reply, because I was scared that if I talked in that moment, I would break down. I tried to walk away but he grabbed my wrist. When he notice I flinched at his touch, he let go.

《Please stay here》 he begged 《I won't touch you, I swear. I just don't want you to drive like this》

I was looking at everywhere but him.

《Y/N, look at me》 he said, softly

I looked up and met his worried eyes.

《Please just stay here tonight. You can sleep in my room and I'll sleep on the couch》

《It's not a good idea》 I replied

It wasn't a good idea because I was about to have a panic attack and I didn't want it to happen in front of San, but it was also a bad idea, because I knew that if Ryan found out that I didn't sleep at my house that night, I would be in trouble.

《I'll take you home then》 he said

《You can't drive, you're drunk》 I reasoned

《Then we can take a taxi》 he replied 《I will pay. And I'll leave you the money for the taxi you will have to take tomorrow to take back your car》

I shook my head. Too burdensome.

《I'll sleep on the couch》 I said in a whisper, surprising myself as well

At first he thought he didn't hear well, but looking at my expression he understood that I really gave in to his request.

《I'll give you something to wear》 he said, running to his room

He came back with a hoodie and sweatpants. He showed me where the bathroom was and I got changed. When I got out of there, San was waiting for me in the living room. I saw the change of look in his eyes when I walked in, wearing his clothes.

《Are you sure you want the couch?》 he asked, looking away 《You can sleep in my bed》

《The couch is fine》

《Okay... then, I guess... good night》 he said, awkwardly

《Good night》

He quickly walked out of the room and went to his bedroom. Once I laid down, I finally let myself smell his hoodie. It was clean, but his scent was still strong on it. It calmed me down, and I fell asleep without even realizing it.

When San woke up the next day, he came to the living room to greet me, but I wasn't there anymore. I woke up early, because I wanted to escape the embarrassment of seeing each other. I left a note on the pile of his clothes, thanking him for letting me stay the night.

San sighed, disappointed. He couldn't understand what happened the night before. Sure, he crossed the line and forgot for a moment that I already had a boyfriend, but there was something in my reaction that made him feel uneasy. He could tell there was something that he didn't knew, and he wanted to find out what it was.

He took a shower and got dressed, then went to the university, hoping to find me and talk to me about what happened.


	6. FIVE

I tried to avoid San in every way I could. I didn't go to the staircase at the back of the school. I didn't go to the music department to work for them. I tried to run away every time a lesson was over, because I didn't know if San was going to come find me in class or not. I was sure he wanted an explanation, but I was not ready to talk about it. I didn't want to face him, so I tried to avoid him for as long as I could.

Unfortunately for me, he found me anyway. I was walking out of the university when San grabbed my arm.

《Wait》 he said

I shook my arm out of his grip and walked away again.

《Y/N, please wait a second》 he said, running after me 《Can we talk?》

《I have nothing to say》

《But I do!》

《I don't have time》 I replied

《Y/N!》 he firmly said, stopping in front of me

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

《Let's talk about yesterday》

《There is nothing to say》

《If you don't want to talk about it, then just listen to me okay?》 he said 《I'm sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to cross the line. I didn't know what I was doing》

《I accept the apology》 I replied, and tried to walk past him, but he stopped me

《The way you reacted was weird》 he said 《Is there something you're not telling me?》

《There's nothing》

《If I made you uncomfortable for another reason, I wish you would tell me》

《You're no one to know about my life》 I snapped 《I don't have to tell you anything》

《You're right, I'm no one》 he said, stepping back 《Goodbye then》

Without even glancing at me again, he walked away. I cursed at myself in my head for snapping at him again.

For the following three days, I didn't even have to avoid him. He clearly didn't want to see me, or talk to me, and the few times we walked past each other he never even noticed I was there. It was like we were strangers again.

It hurt me that we were drifting away, because deep down I knew I was developing a crush for him. During the days when we were finally getting closer, I thought we could be happy, but in the end I ruined everything again.

On the third day, while I was attending a lesson I got a text from Ryan, saying that he was coming home that day. I wanted to make up and excuse and tell him that I had something to do at the university, but at the same time I knew that if I didn't go home as soon as possible, he would have been mad.

When that afternoon I walked into my apartment, Ryan was already on my couch, with a glass of wine in his hand.

《What took you so long?》 he asked, cold

《I had lessons》 I replied

《Your mom called yesterday》 he said, and I froze 《She said she's been asking you for us to go to dinner together numerous times. Why didn't you tell me?》

He slowly got up and walked to me.

《The last time you came here you stayed only for the night. I didn't have the time to talk to you about it》 I said, weakly

《Didn't I tell you to not keep things from me?》 he asked, grabbing my chin and making me look up at him

《I'm sorry》 I said 《I didn't want to stress you. I had good intentions》

《Don't make up excuses, babydoll》 he said 《You know it makes me angry》

《I'm not-》

He harshly grabbed my face and I winched.

《Should I teach you a lesson?》 he said

《Please, no》

《I love it when you beg》

He grabbed me by my hair and dragged to the bedroom. I cried in pain but didn't try to fight him. I knew that if I did he would have been even rougher.

《Let's see if you're going to behave like this again, after tonight》

I closed my eyes, trying no to think about what was about to happen.

—

The next morning I felt so empty that I didn't even want to get up and go to school, but Ryan was still at my house, and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't know how long he was going to stay here before going on another business trip. I only knew that, that night he had an important dinner and that he was going to be out till late. Maybe that meant that for that night I was going to sleep normally.

I forced myself to get up and get dressed and then I went to the university. I found it difficult even to walk, dragging my feet all the way to class. I sat down and stared at the void for the whole day, not focusing on the lessons even once. One of the professors even asked if I was feelings sick. I wanted to answer "yes", but how could I explain it?

At the end of the day, when I went back home, I curled up in my bed, crying a for a while. I tried to think of something else to distract me, and the only thing I could thing of, was San. I tried to think about San's hand on my waist a couple night before, instead of Ryan's hands on me. I tried to thing about his smile and his adorable dimples. I tried to think about how he let me sleep on his lap when we were stuck in the storage room. Unconsciously I stopped crying, but I started feeling another emotion in my chest. I didn't know what it was, but I was sure about one thing. I needed to see San.

I took my phone and ran out of my house. I took the car and drove to his house, surprising myself about the fact that I remembered where it was. I ran into the building and took the elevator to his floor.

He had just gotten out of the shower and changed into comfortable clothes, when he heard the doorbell. He went to the door, thinking about who could be at that hour, and then opened it. I didn't even give him the time to open it completely, that my mouth was already on his. He let out a surprised moan.

《I need you》 I whispered to him, between kisses

He smirked and closed the door behind me. He picked me up, making me wrap my legs around his waist, and he took me to his bedroom. He didn't mind that I randomly showed up at his house after days of ignoring each other. He didn't even care that I had a boyfriend. He thought that if I was fine with it, then where was the problem?

He gently laid me down on his bed and kept kissing me, while slowly unbuttoning my shirt. Once he did it, he took my shirt off and threw it away. Then, I watched as his expression changed completely.

《What the hell is this?》 he asked

I was confused for a second, the remembered and cursed at myself in my head. I tried to cover myself with my hands, but he grabbed my wrists and moved them away.

《I asked what this is》 he said, coldly

I looked at him, then at the bruises on my body. I was so ashamed that he saw me like that. How did I even forget I still had them?

《Y/N please answer》 his tone softened 《Who did this to you?》

I was looking everywhere but at him. I was too ashamed to look at him, or to reply.

《Who was it?》 he asked one more

《My boyfriend...》 I whispered

I could see the anger build up in his eyes.

《It's not the first time, is it?》

I shook my head.

《Why the hell are you still with him then?》 he asked 《Are you so in love with him that you can't leave him or something?》

He was clearly angry and annoyed and it was making me anxious.

《I don't love him》 I said, trying to hold back the tears 《I tried to break up with him numerous times, but he won't let me》

《Have you tried talking about this with someone?》

《My family knows》 I confessed 《I asked them for help but my mom keeps telling me to endure it》

《Why?》 he asked, confused

How could a parent let their own daughter get used and treated like that? He couldn't understand.

《Because Ryan is the perfect man to her》

San finally let go of your wrists and gently wiped away my tears. His soft touch made me shiver.

《I'll help you》 he said

《Why would you?》

《Because I can't bare seeing you like this》 he replied 《You don't deserve to be treated like this》

He got up and opened his wardrobe. He took out a hoodie and handed it to me.

《You're staying here tonight》 he said

《But-》

《Please》 he said

Even his eyes were desperately begging me to stay. It was like he was scared to let me go. I nodded and took his hoodie, putting it on. Without even realizing it, I smelled it and closed my eyes, letting his scent calm me down.

《Do you trust me?》 he asked, suddenly

I didn't know why, but I nodded. Somehow I really felt like I could trust San.

《I need you to text Ryan and ask him to meet you tomorrow》 he said

I panicked.

《Why? You said you would help me, why would-》

《Y/N, calm down》 he softly said, putting his hands on my shoulders 《I will go with you and together we will get him to break up with you for good. I promise, I will be with you the whole time, and I won't let him touch you》

I knew he was trying to help, but it sounded too unrealistic. And I was worried that he would get hurt too.

《I will protect you》 he said 《I promise》

I slowly nodded.

《Let's go to bed, uh?》 he said

He made me lay on his bed and he laid next to me. He looked at me with a soft gaze, caressing my cheek.

《Can I hold you?》 he asked

Instead of replying, I got closer to him and he put his arm around me. He patted my back and I closed my eyes, trying to calm down. His scent and his warmth made me feel safe, and the feeling was overwhelming. For the first time in my life, I felt really protected.

《Good night Y/N》 he said, leaving a kiss on my forehead

I didn't have the time to say it back, that I fell asleep.


	7. SIX

When I woke up the next morning, San was already awake. He didn't want to leave me, so he stayed there next to me on the bed, and occasionally stroked my back. I woke up to his touch. When I opened my eyes I noticed him softly looking at me, with a sweet smile on his lips.

《You're really pretty when you sleep》 he said,

I groaned and tried to hide my face with my hands.

《Don't hide》 he said, gently taking my hand away from my face

《Did you sleep well?》 he asked

《Probably better than I ever did》 I replied, sincere

《It's gonna be like this every night from now on》 he said

My smile disappeared, remembering what I promised I would have done that day.

《Do we really have to meet him?》 I asked

《It's for your safety, Y/N》

I sighed and nodded. I was scared, but I knew San was going to be by my side and it made me feel safe. I took my phone and with San's help we sent Ryan a short text, asking him to meet up, and ignoring the missed calls and texts where he demanded to know why I wasn't home the night before.

We had breakfast, even thought we had woken up basically in the afternoon, and we got dressed. We got into San's car, and went to the park where we told Ryan to come. We were waiting next to the playground, when we saw him walking fast towards us. I tensed up, and San squeezed my hand, to silently tell me I wasn't alone.

《Where the fuck were you?》 he growled

San put himself between me and Ryan right before he could grab me.

《Who the fuck are you?》 Ryan asked

《Someone you should be careful of》 San replied

Ryan scoffed.

《You think you scare me?》 he said, then looked at me, ignoring San 《You were fucking around behind my back?》

《Don't talk to her like that》 San said, and I shivered hearing his voice get deeper and angrier

《Why not? She's mine, I can do whatever I want》

《She's not yours》

Ryan tried to grab San, but he punched him in the face. Ryan stumbled back a bit, surprised by San's strength, then tried to punch him too, but he dodged it. San threw another punch, this time to his stomach, then pushed him to the ground. He sat on him and punched him a couple more times, then stopped when he noticed that Ryan didn't even have the strength to defend himself.

《Stay away from her》 San growled 《If you touch her again, I'll ruin you》

He got up and glared at Ryan, as he slowly got up as well.

《You think this will be enough to get rid of me?》 he said 《This is not the end》

He stumbled back and quickly walked away. When he was out of our sight, San turned to look at me. Noticing that I looked shaken, he started feeling bad.

《I'm sorry》 he said, looking down 《I got too angry》

《It's okay》 I replied, but my voice was shaking

《Can I hug you?》 he asked, and I nodded.

He slowly came closer and wrapped his arms around me. I hid my face in his neck and let his warmth calm me down.

《We should go back home》 he said

He let me go and took my hand. We walked back to the car and he drove us back home. During the ride I noticed his bloody and bruised hands, and made a mental note about it. When we entered his place, I grabbed his wrist.

《We need to clean those》 I said, looking at his hands

We went to the bathroom and I made him sit on the toilet. I asked him were the first aid kit was, and I helped him treat his bruises. I was focused on treating them, but I could still feel his eyes on me all the time. Once I was done, I put a couple bandages on the bruises.

《Done》 I said

《Should we do something normal for the rest of the day?》 he asked

《Like what?》

《Watching movies, chilling on the couch, whatever you want》

《I haven't enjoyed a movie in so long》 I replied, embarrassed

《Then we should fix this problem》 he said, smiling

We went to the couch and he connected the tv to Netflix. We spent almost an hour trying to decide what to watch, since I found every movie interesting. When we finally chose one and started it, we also got ourself some take out and snacks to eat in the meantime.

When the movie started we were just sitting next to each other, really close, but at some point San put his arm around my shoulder and gently made me lean on him. I didn't comment on it, but I noticed his satisfied smile.

After a couple of movies, I started to yawn.

《Do you want to go to sleep?》

《No, I'm fine》 I replied

《It's okay, we can go to sleep if you want》 he said

《I want to watch another movie》

We started another movie but I didn't pay much attention to it. Only when there was a romantic scene, I started paying attention. I couldn't help but think about me and San.

《San?》 I softly called him 《What are we?》

《What do you mean?》 he asked, confused

《Are we strangers? Friends? More?》

《In a normal situation I would have said that we are friends, but I want more with you》 he replied 《I can't hide the fact that I care about you a little too much》

《I want more too》 I admitted

《Then, would you be my girlfriend?》

《Yes》 I replied smiling

He leaned closer and softly kissed my lips, smiling into the kiss.

《You have no idea how long I waited for this moment》 he whispered

I smiled and blushed.

《What to we tell others?》 I asked 《Everyone knew I had a boyfriend until today》

《We'll just say that it's none of their business》 he replied

《Okay...》 I wasn't fully convinced, but it wasn't important in that moment

We kept cuddling on the couch while watching the movie, and we both ended up falling asleep there. The next morning I woke up to the smell of food. I noticed I was alone and the couch, so I got up and went to the kitchen.

《Good morning》 I said

《Morning》 replied San, putting the food on the table 《I made breakfast》

The scene was so sweet and domestic that I almost felt like crying.

《Thank you》 I said

We sat down and started eating the food he made.

《I think I need something to wear》 I said, embarrassed

《You can borrow one of my shirts》 he said

《It's just for today》 I said 《Later I'll go back to my place》

《It's okay, it's not a problem》

After breakfast we got dressed, and San let me borrow one of his shirts. I wasn't that short, so the shirt wasn't too big on me, but it was still a bit oversized. It was comfortable though.

《My clothes look really good on you》 he said

I looked away, embarrassed, and we left to go to the university. San had offered to walk me to class, and I agreed, just so I could be with him a little longer. When we arrived, he took my hand and we headed to the my department. We were halfway there, when we met Hongjoong.

《Hey》 he greeted us

He looked at ours hands, then at us, confused

《Hey》 replied San

《What are you doing here?》 Hongjoong asked, looking at San

《I'm walking her to class》 he replied

《Why?》

《We're together now》

I could feel a little bit of tension in the air, and I didn't like it.

《Oh okay》 replied Hongjoong 《But, did you forget that Mr Lee wanted to see you today? If you walk her to class you'll be late》

《Oh god, you're right, I forgot》 said San, panicking 《Is it okay if you go on your own?》

《Sure, it's not a problem》 I replied

《I'm sorry》 he said 《I'll see you later》

He quickly kissed my cheek and ran away.

《Can I come with you?》 asked Hongjoong 《I want to talk to you》

《Okay》 I agreed, suspicious

We started walking to my class, and at first he kept silent. I didn't have a good feeling about this. He started talking only once we were in front of my building.

《So you and San are a couple now》 he said

《Yes》

《How did it happen?》 he asked

《It's... a long story》

《Didn't you have a boyfriend?》

《We broke up》

《And you got into another relationship right away?》 he asked, lifting his eyebrow in a judging manner

《As I said, It's a long story》 I replied

I was trying to be polite, but what he was saying was bothering me a lot.

《It's just the two of us here, so you can talk honestly with me》 he said 《Are you playing with his feelings?》

《What? No》

《If you're with him just for fun, then you should stop now before he gets hurt》

《I'm not with him for fun, I really care about him》

《Who are you trying to trick?》 he asked, annoyed 《You're whoring around and you expect me to think you are serious with him?》

《How and when we got together is none of your business》 I replied 《You know nothing about what happened so you're not in a position to judge me. Now, if you would excuse me, I have to go to class》

I glared at him one last time, and walked to my class. When I sat in my seat I threw my bag on my desk and sighed, upset.

_I knew this was gonna happen._


	8. SEVEN

When San sent a text to check up on me, I didn't tell him what Hongjoong and I talked about. I didn't want him to worry and I didn't want him to fight with his friends because of me. They weren't the ones I was in a relationship with after all, so I decided that whatever they thought about me, it didn't matter.

In the middle of the morning, they boys had an hour free because a teacher wasn't there that day, so they all went to the staircase at the back of the school to hang out.

They were having a normal conversation, when Yeosang brought up my name.

《So, I heard you are dating Y/N now》 he said to San

《Yeah》 he replied

《Are you sure this is a good idea?》 asked Wooyoung

《I care about her and want to be with her》 he said 《Why is it a big deal?》

《She's so cold and emotionless, what do you even see in her?》

《She's not emotionless》 San said, trying to not get too annoyed 《She's actually really sensitive》

《Okay, we get it, you're whipped》 said Hongjoong 《But how do you know that she likes you back and that she isn't playing you?》

《I know she feels the same》 San replied

《But how?》

《Look, you don't know what happened between us okay?》 San said 《That's why you don't understand》

《Nothing you say can change my mind》 said Hongjoong 《I think she's just playing with your feelings》

《I think so too》 said Jongho 《I mean, she had another boyfriend until yesterday, and now suddenly you two are in love? That's ridiculous》

《Yeah, you have to admit that sounds quite bad》 said Yunho

《She never showed interest in you》 said Mingi 《She's clearly just playing around》

《Stop!》 San yelled 《Please stop!》

The boys looked at him, surprised.

《No need to get so worked up》 said Mingi 《We were just sharing our opinion》

《Everything you're saying is wrong》 San said, thought gritted teeth

《Why are you so sure about-》

《She was abused!》 he snapped, cutting Mingi off

The boys stayed silent and he kept talking.

《Her ex, Ryan, abused her for two years》 he said 《She's been trying to break up with him for so long and when I found out I helped her》

《You see this?》 he said, showing them his hands 《I fucking beat him yesterday to get him to stay away from her》

He sighed, trying to calm down.

《She put the cold mask on to try and hide what was going on. She's not really like that, and she's been suffering so much that my heart aches just at the thought. You haven't seen what he did to her. You haven't seen the bruises on her body. You have no idea how bad it actually was》 he said upset 《She didn't want me to tell you, but you're being too rude for me not to tell. You need to know what happened so that you can open your fucking eyes and see that she's actually a good person》

《And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if she happened to get hurt by those that I consider my friends》 he added

They all looked away, embarrassed.

《I was... not expecting that》 said Hongjoong, feeling extremely guilty for what he said to me that morning

《You should have just believed me when I told you that she was sincere》 San said 《It's like you don't even trust the fact that I know what I'm doing. I get that you don't want me to get hurt, but you took it too far》

He got up and walked away, leaving the boys there.

《I feel bad now》 said Mingi

《We should apologize to San》 said Yunho

《And to Y/N too》 added Hongjoong 《I was pretty rude to her this morning》

They all agreed to apologize, and thought about something to make me forgive their behavior.

Later that day, As soon as I stepped outside of my class, I found Seonghwa leaning on the wall, clearly waiting for someone. When he saw me, he stepped forward.

《Hey》 he said

《Hi》 I replied, confused 《Are you waiting for someone?》

《Yeah, I'm waiting for you actually》

《Oh》 I said

I wasn't so happy at the thought that he wanted to see me, especially after the conversation I had with Hongjoong that morning.

《I wanted to apologize, also on behalf of the rest of the boys》 he added

《For what?》 I asked, suspicious

《We haven't exactly been... polite to you》 he said 《We always judged you based on rumors and bad impressions and that was clearly a mistake》

《I'm sorry, I'm confused》 I said 《Why are you telling me this?》

It was weird that all of a sudden they were saying they were wrong about me.

《San told us about your ex》 he replied, and I froze

Seonghwa could see the change in my eyes, and the fact that I was starting to feel uneasy.

《He did?》 I asked, and I cursed myself when I heard my voice shake

《He didn't mean to》 he tried to explain 《It's just that we were talking bad about you and he snapped. He really didn't want to tell us but he knew that it was the only way to make us open our eyes》

《It's okay》 I tried to reassure him, but still avoiding eye contact 《It's probably better this way. At least I don't have to keep secrets from you anymore》

《Are you really okay with it?》 he asked, worried

I took a deep breath and looked at him, trying to smile.

《I'm okay, I promise》 I said

He could tell I was trying not to make him worry and he felt touched.

《The boys and I wanted to start all over again, and try to be friends》 he said 《If that's okay with you》

《Of course it is》 I replied 《I wanted to get along with you too》

He smiled, relieved.

《We'll be hanging out after school, if you want to join》

《Actually, today I really can't》 I replied 《I have an important exam coming up soon and I'm a bit behind with studying. You know, since I have a scholarship I can't exactly afford to not give my best》

《I understand, we can meet another day》 he said 《I should probably go now》

《See you》 I replied

He smiled and walked away. I took a shaky breath and started to walk out of the building. I had previously told San that I would have gone home on my own and that I would have spent the rest of the day studying.

He told me to not overwork myself, and asked me my address and the new password to my apartment, just in case something happened and he needed to come and help me.

As soon as I arrived home, I asked the landlord to help me chance the password, so that Ryan wouldn't be able to enter anymore, and then I started studying for the exam.

A couple of hours had passed and I was still studying on the kitchen counter when I heard the door of my apartment open. Since San was the only one that knew the new password, I already knew it was him. I got up and walked out of the kitchen, to see him taking his shoes off.

《Hey》 he said, smiling

《I thought you would be out with your friends》 I said

《I wanted to see you, so I ditched them》 he replied, kissing my cheek

《You didn't have to》

《But I wanted to》 he reassured me

《Were you still studying?》 he asked, seeing the kitchen table full of papers

《Hm》

《Do you need a break?》

I nodded and he took my hand, guiding me to the living room. He sat on the couch and made me sit on his lap, facing him. He then cupped my face with his hands and kissed me softly.

《I missed you》 he said, between kissed

《I met Seonghwa today》 I suddenly said

I didn't know why I said it, or why I said it in that exact moment, but I couldn't keep it in. San tensed under me.

《What did you talk about?》 he asked

It was evident he was trying to hide his worry.

《He said you told them about Ryan》

Oh boy, now he was more than worried. Scared, even.

《I'm really sorry, I know you didn't want me to tell anyone, but they were-》

I shut him up with a kiss, and he looked at me confused.

《I know you had the best intentions》 I told him

《You're not mad?》 he asked

《I'm not mad》

I caressed his cheek and he finally started to relax again.

《I think it's better if they know》 I said 《At least this way there won't be any more misunderstandings》

《If they, or me, say or do something that makes you uncomfortable, I need you tell me, okay?》 he said

《I don't think we'll have to worry about that》 I replied 《I trust your friends. And I trust you》

《I want you to always be comfortable with me》

《I am》

We stared at each other for a while and we were both getting lost in each other's eyes. Then, after a while, he said 《I think I'm in love with you》

He didn't even realize what he said, until he noticed that I tensed.

《Shit, sorry》 he said, panicking 《I didn't mean to say it like that. I'm sorry, it's probably too early for this》

《Don't take it back》 I begged him 《If you really mean it, don't take it back》

He looked at me again and understood.

《I won't》 he replied

《I don't know if I can say it back》 I whispered

《It's okay, take your time》 he said 《I don't need to hear it, to know that you care about me》

I nodded, more to myself.

《This break suddenly became an emotional rollercoaster》 I said, to lighten the mood

He chuckled and took my hands.

《It was worth it, tho》 he said 《I really enjoy talking to you like this》

《I like it too》

I leaned closer and kissed him. He put a hand on my cheek and deepened the kiss. He smiled when I bit his bottom lip.

《Don't start things you can't finish》 he said, teasingly

《Who said I can't finish it?》 I replied, challenging him

He looked at me, lifting an eyebrow.

《Okay then》 he said 《If you want to play, let's play》

He suddenly took me in his arms and got up from the couch.

《Wait, where are we going?》 I asked

《The bedroom》 he replied smirking.

Despite the playful mood, our first time together was actually sweet. San gave me the first time I never got the chance to experience.


	9. EIGHT

When I woke up the next morning, San and I were still wrapped around each other, bare skin against bare skin. I admired how peaceful and beautiful he looked while he was still sleeping, and gently took a strand of hair out of his face. His lips suddenly curled into a smile.

《Good morning》 I said

《Good morning》 he replied, his voice deeper than usual

《You know we have to get up, right?》 I asked

《But this is so comfortable》

He snuggled closer, hiding his face in my neck. His hair slightly tickled me.

《We have lessons》 I said

He gently brushed his lips against my neck, then started kissing it.

《San》 I whined

《Okay, okay, I'll stop》 he said, defeated

He sat up on the bed and looked at me.

《Aren't you going to get up?》 he asked

《You get up first》 I said, embarrassed

《I've already seen all of you last night, remember?》 he said, with a smirk on his face

《Yeah but now it's different》 I replied, blushing

《Okay, I'll get up first》 he said 《And feel free to stare as much as you want》

He got up and took his time collecting his clothes, before going out of my bedroom to take a shower, and tried not to stare, but it was difficult to look away. As soon as he stepped out of the room, I released the breath I didn't know I was holding. _He's really breathtaking_ , I thought.

I got up as well and dressed up, then went to prepare something quick for breakfast. When San walked into the kitchen, he was already wearing clothes, but his hair was still wet. He sat down next to me and we ate breakfast.

《Will I meet the rest of the boys today?》 I asked 《Seonghwa had actually asked me to hang out with them yesterday, but I couldn't》

《If you feel comfortable hanging out with them》 said San, shrugging

《It's okay, I can do it》 I replied 《It might be a little awkward at first, but I think we can actually become friends》

《If you and the boys manage to get along, it would be great》 he said, smiling 《I hate to see the most important people in my life not liking each other》

I smiled at the what he said, and also remembered that the night before he said that he was in love with me. It was such a small thing, but it made me so happy. He seemed to realize what I was thinking about and smiled too, putting his hand on mine and squeezing it.

Once we finished having breakfast, we took our things and went to school. We were going to meet San's friends in the usual spot at the back of the school, so when we parked the car, we headed there. When San and I arrived, the boys were already all sitting on the staircase. We approached them and they greeted us. San sat down on the stairs and made me sit next to him. My palms were sweating and I felt so nervous. It wasn't the first time I was with all of them like that, but now they knew about my story and I suddenly felt vulnerable and awkward.

《Y/N, we're sorry about our behavior》 said Wooyoung

Everyone stated talking at the same time, agreeing with him.

《We shouldn't have messed into your relationship》 said Mingi

《And we shouldn't have believed the rumors》 added Yunho

《It's okay》 I replied

《I want to personally apologize too, especially after what I said to you yesterday morning》 said Hongjoong 《It was uncalled for, I'm sorry》

San looked at me, then at Hongjoong.

《What did you tell her?》

It was evident in his tone that he was getting upset. Hongjoong was visibly panicking, not knowing what to answer.

《It was nothing》 I replied, softly

《He clearly said something bad, if he's apologizing like this》 San said

I took his hand and squeezed, to tell him to calm down.

《He apologized, so it's okay》 I said 《Let's not make this worse》

He glared at Hongjoong, who looked away embarrassed. I intertwined our fingers and San finally focused his attention back on me, calming down a little.

《Are you two busy today?》 asked Seonghwa

《Not really》 I replied

《We were thinking about going to the amusement park》 said Yunho 《We all wanted to have fun before exams start》

《I've never been to an amusement park》 I said

《Then we need to fix it, don't we?》 said San, and I nodded.

We stayed there for a little while, but I only listened to the boys talk. I didn't feel uncomfortable, but I had nothing to add to their conversations, so I just listened to them. It was nice, actually.

After some time I had to go to my first lesson of the day, and San walked me there. When we arrived in front of my class, I kissed him before going inside. For the rest of the day I could only think that I wanted the day to pass quickly, so that I could go to that amusement park. It was something that I never go the chance to do, not even when I was a child, so I was really excited about it, especially because I was going there with San.

When the lessons were over, I sprinted out of the class and went to the parking lot, where San was already waiting for me.

《The guys just went away》 San said 《They'll wait for us there》

I got into the car and San started the engine.

《Are you excited?》 he asked chuckling, seeing that I couldn't stay still

《Maybe》 I replied

When we arrived there I almost ran out of the car. We payed for the tickets and went inside. Everywhere around me there were people laughing and enjoying their time there. I could hear the people screaming from the rollercoasters, and I could smell the cotton candy. I was basically jumping from excitement. San came closer to me and took my hand, intertwining our fingers.

《You're adorable》 he said

《Let's go》 I said, dragging him to the attractions

The rest of the boys chuckled and followed us. We went to the water games first, since it was a hot day. Some of us were lucky enough to not get wet, but others, for example Yeosang and Wooyoung, ended up soaking wet and they had to buy the themed clothes that the park's stores were selling. Then we went to the rollercoasters, but when we arrived in front of one of them, I stopped myself.

《I don't think I'm gonna go on there》 I said

《Why?》 asked San, curious

《I don't really like heights》

《I'll stay with you here then》 he said

《No, don't do that》 I said, feeling guilty 《If you want to go on that, you should do it. I can wait here》

《She won't be alone》 said Yunho 《Hongjoong and I are staying here too》

San looked at the boys, then at me, hesitant.

《I'll be okay》 I whispered to him 《Go, and have fun》

《Okay》 he gave in

San and the rest of the group went to queue for the rollercoaster and I turned to look at Hongjoong and Yunho.

《Should we wait here or go to do something else?》

《I want to try and win a plushie on those stands》 said Yunho

We went there and basically tried every game. We tried the one where you have to fish the ducks in the water, the one where you have to throw arrows to the balloons, the ones where you have to make the cans fall by trowing the balls, and the ones where you have to shoot down the bottles.

I let the boys play and just watched them in all of those games, but when they wanted to play the ones with the guns and they failed to get the plushie they wanted, I wanted to try too. Surprisingly I already knew how to hold the gun, and I also had a nice aim. I managed to get down most of the bottles, which meant that I won and that I could choose the prize I wanted. I turned around to the two boys, who were still looking at me with shock.

《What plushie did you want?》 I asked Yunho

《That one》 he said pointing it

The man of the stand took down the giant bear, and I handed it to Yunho, who smiled like a child.

When we went back to where we left the others, they were getting off another rollercoaster. They saw us and approached us.

《What did you do?》 San asked us, curious

《Y/N won this for me!》 Yunho exclaimed, happy

《You did?》 San asked me, amused

《Of course》 I replied, proud

The rest of the day went away rather quickly and at some point we had to leave the park. I had to admit the boys were a nice company, and I enjoyed spending time with them. We said goodbye and San drove me home. He was only going to bring me home, but once we arrived I invited him to stay the night on more time, and he couldn't say no.


	10. NINE

Three weeks had passed and San and I were as close as we could ever be. After the night when he said he was in love with me, he didn't say it again until recently. I could feel he wasn't saying it because he didn't want to force me to say it back, but I told him that I needed to hear it, so he started saying that he loved me often.

We slowly started hanging out with the boys more often and I managed to get pretty close with them as well. We weren't awkward anymore and I could joke around with them as if they were my best friends. It felt really nice.

《We should go on a trip》 said Jongho one day 《We'll soon have a couple days free, we should use them》

《What were you thinking about?》 asked Wooyoung, intrigued

《We could rent one of those houses near the seaside》 he said

《That doesn't sound that bad》 Seonghwa admitted

《I'll see if I find something》 San said

He took out his phone and looked it up on the internet. In the end we found a house big enough for all of us, that also had a swimming pool. We all decided it was a good idea, and we booked the place.

Five days later, I was putting the last few things in my bag, when I heard the bell ring and the door of my apartment opening. San usually let himself in as he pleased, but always rang the bell to announce that he was going in. His face popped up from the door frame, looking at me with a curious expression.

《Are you still packing?》 he asked

《No, I'm done》 I replied, closing the bag

《Good, because the boys are impatient to go》

He helped me take my things and we went to his car. The rest of the boys were half in Seonghwa's car, and half in Hongjoong's car. They were waiting for us, so that we could all go at the same time. The journey to the beach was a bit long, so I put on some music and spent the whole time singing out loud with San.

When we arrived, the scenery was beautiful. The house was on a hill and from there we could see the beach. And the house itself looked beautiful too.

There wasn't a room for everyone, so some people had to share. Of course, San and I slept together.

《The bed seems comfortable》 he said, as soon as we entered our room 《Should we try it?》

《San!》 I said, shocked 《Your friends are literally on the other side of the door》

《So what?》 he said 《Are we not gonna do anything for two days because we're all in the same house?》

《I don't know, we'll see》 I said panicking, and he pouted

We took our things out of the bags and joined the rest of the boy, who were preparing the meat for the barbeque.

《Hongjoong did you bring the alcohol?》 Mingi asked

《Sure》 he replied

We set the table and prepared the food. While Seonghwa and Yunho cooked, the rest of the boys played some games. I didn't play with them, but watching their chaos was enough to entertain me. We ate and drank all night.

After a while San became clingier than usual. He back hugged me and put his face in my neck.

《Your skin is so soft》 he said

《San, baby, control yourself》 I whispered to him

He shook his head and pecked my lips.

《Please, I need you》 he begged

Fortunately none of the boys were paying attention to us, so no one heard him.

《I'm gonna take him to bed》 I said to the others 《He's too drunk》

Some of them simply nodded, other looked at us with a smirk on their faces. I ignored it and brought San upstairs. As soon as I closed the door of our room behind us, he kissed me. I kissed him back, and his hands went to my waist, pulling me closer to him. I could feel him getting bigger. I pulled away and looked at him. He seemed so desperate.

I took his shirt off and he took off mine, then I unbuttoned his jeans and let them drop. He got out of them and brought me to the bed, making me lay down. He kissed me again, and let his hand wander on my body. He slowly undid my bra and threw it away. He kissed my neck and went down to my chest, and smirked when I moaned. He unbuttoned my pants and took them away with my underwear. Then he took his boxers off as well. He positioned himself on top on me again, but for a little while he just looked at me with the deepest look ever.

《I love you》 he said

I felt my chest get warmer and I kissed him again. This time the kiss was sweeter and softer. I already knew that this night was going to be more sentimental than usual.

-

The next morning I woke up earlier than San. He probably was going to sleep for a lot more, so I just washed up and went downstairs. Seonghwa, Yeosang and Wooyoung were already there.

《Good morning》 I said

《Morning》 they replied

《San?》 asked Wooyoung

《He's still sleeping》 I replied

I looked out. It was such a nice sunny day.

《I was thinking about cooking something for you today》 I said 《And enjoy the rest of the day at the pool》

《That sounds nice》 said Yeosang

《I can help you cook if you want》 said Seonghwa

《That would be great》 I replied

We choose what to cook, and we went out to buy the ingredients at the nearest market. When we came back all the boys were playing in the swimming pool.

《They're back!》 Wooyoung screamed 《We'll finally get food!》

I greeted San with a kiss and then went to the kitchen with Seonghwa. We were cooking while talking about random things. The scene was really domestic and I enjoyed it a lot.

Suddenly, I felt someone's arms sneak around my waist. I slightly flinched for the surprise.

《Baby》 San said, putting his head on my shoulder 《When will you be done?》

《Why?》 I asked 《Are you hungry?》

《He just needs attention》 said Seonghwa

《Hey!》 said San, offended

I chuckled and turned around to look at San properly.

《It will take some time》 I said, softly 《Can you wait?》

《I guess I can》 he replied, pouting 《But only if you promise to spend the rest of the day with me, and me only》

I blushed, especially since Seonghwa was there with us, but then I nodded to San. After all, they probably already knew what happened the night before, so why worry?

《Great》 he said, now suddenly happy

He quickly pecked my lips and went away.

《You're really a cute couple》 said Seonghwa

《Are we?》 I asked, surprised

《Yeah》 he said 《I have never seen San so happy》

《That's really nice to hear》

 _At least I was doing something right,_ I thought.

《He's lucky to have you》 he said

《I'm the lucky one》 I replied, with a sad tone 《I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for him》

I noticed the awkward feeling as soon as I said it, and I cursed at myself in my head.

《I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up》 I said, feeling bad 《I ruined the mood》

《It's okay, don't fell bad》 said Seonghwa, putting a hand on my shoulder 《If you want to talk about it, you can come to me. The boys say I'm a good listener》

《Thank you》 I replied

We finished cooking and almost an hour later we brought the food to the pool.

《Food's here!》 I shouted

All the boys ran out of he water and attacked us, stealing the food from our hands. We looked at each others, slightly scared. San handed me some of the food he took and we all sat down, enjoying the sun and the homemade dishes.

I promised San to spend the rest of the day with him, so later we went for a walk on the beach.

《It's really nice here》 I said 《It's a shame we have to go back tomorrow》

《We can come again》 he replied, softly 《Whenever you want》

We sat on the sand and he put his arm around my waist. I put my head on his shoulder and looked at the sea. We stayed there like that, cuddled to each other, until dusk. We watched as the sun went down completely, then got up again and walked back to the house.

Even from outside we could hear the loud music and the yells of some of the boys. When we entered we saw that some of them were trying to dance, while others were just watching and laughing at them, while drinking was what left of the alcohol that Hongjoong brought. San I joined them, and stayed up all night having fun with them.

-

The next day everyone went back to their houses. San drove me home, but he couldn't spend the day with me since had something else to do. The next day we would have had to go back to the university, so I decided to just spend the rest of the day doing some chores and relaxing at home.

I took my clothes out of the bags and put the dirty ones in the laundry basket. I cleaned the house and read something. It was getting late and I was becoming hungry, so I went to the kitchen, but unfortunately for me I did't have any food in there. I could have just bought take out and made them deliver it to me at home, but I was getting bored so I went out and walked to the nearest supermarket.

I was walking when I felt someone grab me and drag me to an alley. Before I could even shout, the man put a hand on my mouth and pushed me harshly to the wall. I looked up, and panicked when I met two eyes that I knew too well. Ryan smirked at the sigh of me being scared.

《I told you that it wan't the end, babydoll》 he said

I tried to get him off, put he slapped me.

《Come on baby, behave》 he said 《I don't want to hurt you. Not yet, at least》

I stopped trying and just stood there, shaking.

《What do you want from me?》 I asked, holding back the tears

《I want you to break up with your toy boy》 he said

《I'm not breaking up with him》

《Oh you will, if you want him to live》 he said 《You think I've been doing nothing until now? I watched you two from afar all the time. I know all his habits and all his friends. I know where he lives and where he goes shopping. If you don't break up with him, I'll make sure he will be out of your life for good》

I knew him too well to know he wasn't joking. He put his hand around my neck, slowly clenching his grip.

《You will break up with him, and if you are a good girl, I'll let you come back to me》 he said 《But if I find out that you still see him, or talk to him, he's dead, and you won't be able to talk for a while either. Did I make myself clear?》

His grip got tighter and tighter, and just as I was about to stop breathing, he let me go.

《We'll see each other soon, babydoll》 he said 《You better do as I say》

He left the alley and I fell to the ground, breathless.

_What do I do?_


	11. TEN

I walked to the entrance of the university, repeating in my head that I had to be strong. I couldn't risk it.

The night before I ignored all of San's texts and I already knew he was going to look for me that morning to ask if everything was alright. In fact, as I arrived in front of my department's building, I saw him waiting for me. When he saw me, he ran to me.

《Hey, is everything okay?》 he asked, worried 《You didn't answer my texts, and I got worried》

《I'm fine, can't you see?》 I replied, harshly

He was taken back by my attitude.

《What's wrong?》 he asked 《Did something happen?》

《Actually yes》 I said 《I did some thinking and realized something》

《Realized what?》

《That I'm sick of you》

He looked at me, surprised and confused

《What?》

《You heard me》 I replied 《I'm sick of you》

《What's that supposed to mean?》

《It means I want to break up》

《Why? Everything was fine until yesterday》

He was confused and hurt. He couldn't understand what was going on.

《Haven't you realized?》 I asked 《What your friends always told you was right. I was just playing with you》

《That's not true》 he tried to deny it

《Oh honey, it is》 I said 《You were so quick to fall for me, it was kinda pathetic to see. But I have to admit that I had fun with you》

《What the hell...》 he said

《I never loved you》 I said 《No wonder I never said it back》

I regretted saying right after it came out of my mouth. The situation was getting out of hand and I couldn't take it back anymore. San's expression changed from hurt to angry.

《I though you were different》 he said 《Was Ryan a farce too? Did you ask him to play the part of the abusive boyfriend to trick me?》

I didn't reply, so he kept talking.

《Yeah my friends were right about you》 he said 《You're just a stone cold bitch》

He looked at me with disgust, then walked away. I started shaking and I ran to the toilet, where no one could see me. As soon as I saw my reflection on the mirror, I broke down, saying in my head how much I hated myself and my stupid mind.

San probably told the boys that I broke up with him, because soon after Wooyoung texted me asking what happened. He sent only one text, and seeing that I didn't reply, he didn't insist.

I went to my lessons, but made no effort to focus on what was going on. I looked out of the window and tried not to cry. The happiest moment I spent with San replied in front of me. I thought about how he hugged me after finding out about Ryan. I thought about how he told me he was in love with me, and about our first time together. I thought about all the times I could have told him I loved him, but he told me he could wait until I was ready. He made me feel so loved, despite being together for such a short time, while I only made him suffer. Maybe it was a good thing that I broke his heart. He might be hurting now, but one day he will get over it and find someone else, finally living the happy life he deserved.

I knew what was going to happen to me, and I knew I needed to be in this mess alone. I would have never forgave myself, if San got hurt because of me.

When the lessons were over and I walked out of the class, I found Wooyoung waiting for me. I tried to ignore him and walk past him, but he got in my way.

《We need to talk》 he said

《I have nothing to say》 I replied

He grabbed my arm and took me back into my classroom, now empty.

《What happened between you and San?》

《I broke up with him》 I replied, obvious

《Yeah I know, but why?》 he asked 《He mumbled something about you never loving him》

《It's true》 I said 《I never loved him. I was just playing with his heart》

《I don't believe you》 he said 《He might not realize it now because he's upset, but we all know you love him. It was pretty obvious》

《You all have seen wrong then》 I replied

《Y/N, come on》 he said, annoyed 《What's really going on?》

《Wooyoung leave me alone》 I said 《If you want to be useful, then go comfort your friend instead of bothering me》

I walked past him, bumping into his shoulder, and went out. I tried to hold back the tears until I was at home, then finally broke down. I cried and screamed, throwing everything I could find around me. Then I panicked, realizing that Ryan could be coming to my apartment since he was now back, so I ran to clean everything, always crying. I forced myself to calm down, because I knew that if he came back and saw that I cried, he would have been mad. I kept being anxious and walking around the house for the rest of the day and night. I didn't sleep nor eat, but fortunately for me Ryan didn't drop by.

The next day I was like a Zombie. I felt sick and I had no energy. I had a preparation for a test on the first period, but I was pretty sure that I failed it. I could barely focus and everything that I read made no sense at all. After the first half of the day I decided to go to the staircase to try and distance myself from everyone and hopefully relax a little, but of course when I went there, I realized I wasn't the only one that had that idea.

San was there too, with Wooyoung, Mingi, Yunho and Yeosang. San was the first one to notice me, and before I could walk away, he got up.

《No, don't walk away》 he said, coldly 《We'll be the ones to go away. We don't want to bother the princess》

He glared at me one last time, then walked away. The other boys went after me, without even sparing me a glance. I sat down and the tears started falling down without me even noticing. I took my face in my hands and sobbed.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I flinched, scared, only to notice it was just Wooyoung. I didn't even realize that he came back and sat next to me. He didn't talk, he just pulled me closer and hugged me. I didn't know why but I accepted the hug, and sobbed in his shoulder.

Once I calmed down a little, he talked.

《You are clearly hurting too》 he said 《Will you tell me why you are doing this or not?》

《I can't》 I said

《Why not?》

《I could get in trouble if I do》

《What do you mean get in trouble?》 he asked, confused 《With who?》

《Wooyoung, please I can't...》 I begged him

I didn't want to put San or any of them in danger.

《Y/N, you know you can talk to me》 he said 《I can help you only if you let me》

《It's him》 I said, giving in 《It's Ryan》

Wooyoung stiffed next to me.

《He came back? What did he do?》

《He threatened me》 I said 《He had been stalking us. He said that if I didn't break up with San he would have killed him》

I looked at Wooyoung, desperate.

《You don't understand, Wooyoung》 I said, anxious 《He really means it. He really is capable of doing something like that, and I can't let it happen. I had to do it. I know I broke his heart, and I hate myself for it, but having San hate me will always be better than having him dying because of me》

《You can't let Ryan control you like this》 he said

《No matter what I do, he will always win》 I said 《I already knew it wasn't gonna end well. I shouldn't have gotten with San in the first place. I should have sticked with Ryan and endured it like my mom always told me》

Wooyoung didn't know what to say to comfort me, so he just hugged me again. After all, there was nothing he could have done for me.

《I love San》 I quietly said, after a while 《I really do love him》

-

Wooyoung knocked at the door and soon after San opened it, letting him in.

《Why are you here?》 he asked, annoyed

Since the break up, San had been really moody and rude to everyone. No one said anything to him though, because they knew he was hurting.

《There is something that you need to know》 Wooyoung said

《What is it about?》 San asked, not really caring about the answer

《It's about Y/N》

San's attention was suddenly all on Wooyoung.

《I don't wanna hear it》 he said

《It's important》

《I don't care》

《You do care》 said Wooyoung 《So stop being petty》

San looked at him, offended.

《I know you won't believe me, so take this》 Wooyoung said, giving him his phone.

He went in the app for the recording, and let the last one play. Wooyoung knew that what he did was kind of bad, but he knew it was the only way for San to know what was going on. He knew he did the right thing, recording our conversation.

San listened to all of it, staring at the floor. When he listened the last part, in which I confessed my feelings, he closed his eyes. He started crying before he could even realize it.

《She was doing it for me》 he whispered 《Ryan is threatening her, and her only thought is to save me》

San got up and punched the wall, out of frustration. Wooyoung ran to him and hugged him, trying to calm him down.

《Let me go》 he yelled

《San, you need to calm down》 Wooyoung said

《She's hurting!》 San said 《She might be in danger right now》

《I know, but you can't let your emotions get the best of you》 his friend said 《This had gotten really serious, and we have to think about what could actually get her out of this situation, hopefully without anyone getting hurt. We need a plan》

San still wanted to get out and beat Ryan to death, but he knew Wooyoung was right. They needed a plan.


	12. ELEVEN

Ryan wasn't coming home, and it was scaring me. Was he still stalking us to see if we really broke up or not? Did he change his mind and decided to hurt San anyway? If he asked me to break up with San, why was he not coming to torture me? It was weird.

I hear the noise of a notification and looked at my phone. It was Wooyoung, asking me to meet him before going to my lesson. He said it was really important and he couldn't wait. My mind went to San right away. Did something happen to him? Is that why Wooyoung wanted to see me? The fact that Ryan had been so quiet, only made me worry more.

When I arrived at the university, I walked to the class Wooyoung said he would meet me in. When I arrived in there it was still empty, so I sat down on the first desk, and waited for him, anxiously bouncing my leg.

The door opened and I basically jumped up, but it wasn't Wooyoung who came in. San entered the room and ran to me, taking me in his arms. I was confused and I tried to push him away.

《San...》 I tried to say, but he cut me off

《Wooyoung's in front of the class and the rest of the boys are around the corridor and the school, checking everyone to make sure no one notices us》 he said

I closed my eyes and sighed in defeat. Wooyoung must have told him the truth. He hugged me tighter, as if I would disappear if he let go.

《San, let me go》 I begged

He stepped back a little to look at me, but kept his hands on me.

《I'm not leaving you》 he said 《I'm not leaving you to suffer with Ryan》

《This is not about me》 I said, angry 《It's about you. He's gonna hurt you, San. I can't let that happen》

《You want to protect me, and I want to protect you》 he replied 《The only way we can succeed in doing both, is by helping each other》

A tear fell down my eye and he wiped it away.

《I'm sorry about my harsh words》 he said, sad 《I was upset and I couldn't think clearly about what was happening. I should have realized sooner that it was Ryan's fault》

《I should be the one apologizing. I said so many hurtful things》

《I'm not mad at you》

《But I hurt you》

《I understand why you did it》 he assured me 《It doesn't hurt anymore》

《I love you》 I confessed 《I should have said it-》

I couldn't finish the sentence because he cupped my cheeks and kissed me. The kiss was soft and salty, because of my tears.

《I love you too》 he whispered

《What do we do now?》 I asked

《First of all, we need to report him to the police》 San said 《They will need you to testify, but since Ryan is probably still watching you, I'll try to go there alone and talk to the police to see what we can do》

I nodded.

《When are you going?》 I asked

《I'm going there now》 he replied 《I don't have important lessons today so I can skip them》

《Are you sure you want to do that alone?》

I was worried that Ryan might be still following him too.

《It's okay, don't worry about me》 he replied 《But I don't want you to be alone, so after your lessons one of the boys will come pick you up. If you can, always be with at least one of them. I'll feel a bit better knowing they're with you》

《We can't involve them》 I said 《What if they get hurt too?》

《Actually, they are the ones that proposed to be your bodyguards》 he said 《They care about you too, you know?》

My heart warmed at the thought of what all of them were doing for me, but I was still worried.

《I have to go now》 said San 《We'll meet after you finish your lessons》

He kissed me one more time, then left the room. Right after, Wooyoung came in.

《I should be killing you right now》 I told him

《He needed to know》

《All of you will be in danger now》

《We want to help you》

I could hear the sincerity in his voice, and I sighed, shaking my head in defeat.

《Come on, I'll walk you to class》

I exited the class with Wooyoung and we walked together till my classroom. I waved at him and went inside, for another useless day of lessons. Of course, in my mind there was only San.

After the lessons were over, I found Wooyoung waiting for me out of class.

《San called and said we should meet at this cafe》 he said, showing me the name of the place in his phone

I nodded and we walked out of the university, to the parking lot. I got in his car and he started the engine.

《Did he say anything else?》 I asked 《Did he say if the police listened to him?》

《No, he just said he will explain everything once we get there》

I nodded and watched out of the window, anxious. I had a bad feeling about this plan. Going to the police was too simple to actually work. And after all, everyone knew the police was useless most of the times.

Wooyoung parked the car and we entered the cafe. San was already there and waved at us, so that we would notice him. We went to the table he was sitting at, and I sat next to him. He took my hand in his and smiled sadly at me.

《How did it go?》 Wooyoung asked

《I tried to explain the situation to them, but since I'm not you, or related to you in any way, they can't take what I say for facts》 San said to me 《If we want them to believe the story, you have to be the one to report him. I already knew it was gonna be like this, but I needed to try anyway》

I squeezed his hand to let him know it was okay. We needed to try everything. Hopefully something would have worked.

《Even if you report him, they still need proof that what you say it's true》 he added

《Proof?》 I asked worried

San nodded.

《That night you came to me... we should have taken some photos then》 San said , upset 《We should have gathered the proof when we had the chance》

《It's okay, we'll find another way》 I said

We spent an hour there, trying to figure out something else we could do, but in that moment we were all too anxious to thing clearly. San was visibly worried and he kept playing with my fingers to calm down. After a while we decided it was time to go away, so we got up and walked out of the cafe. When we were almost at our cars, I saw someone pulling San away from me. I turned around and my eyes widened at the sigh of Ryan. San quickly glanced at Wooyoung, who wasted no time in pulling me behind him. Then San broke Ryan's grip on him, and pushed him off.

《I told her to stay away from you》 Ryan said 《I guess she didn't care about you as much as I thought》

San punched him in the face, but Ryan punched him right back in the stomach. San noticed the difference from the last time they fought. The previous time, Ryan barely fought back. At the time San thought he was just weak, but apparently he was only holding back. Ryan was much stronger than San thought he was.

They kept punching each others, and I tried to run to them, but Wooyoung kept me still. With him in the middle between me and them, sometimes I could barely see what was going on. I could feel that Wooyoung wanted to go too and help his friends, but they already knew something like this would have happened at some point, and San made him promise to prioritize my safety. He couldn't break that promise.

Before I could even realize what was going on, Ryan took out a knife. San managed to dodge it the first two times, but the third time Ryan tried to stab him, it went right in his stomach. Despite the distance between us, I felt like I could hear the sound of the knife in his flesh. I heard Ryan chuckle, then he took out the knife and pushed San to the ground. He looked at me, smirking.

《This was your first lesson》 he said, pointing at me with the bloody knife

Then he turned around and walked away. I pushed Wooyoung off of me and ran to San. I tried to put pressure on his wound to stop the bleeding, but there was already so much blood.

《San!》 I called him, panicking 《Look at me!》

He slowly looked me in the eyes and smiled.

《Don't close your eyes》 I said 《Stay with me》

He tried to move his hand to touch my face, but he didn't manage to lift if enough to reach it.

《At least you're alright》 he said, smiling 《I love you》

《No!》 I yelled 《Don't you dare close your eyes!》

His hand fell and his eyes slowly closed. I kept screaming for him to wake up, with the sound of the sirens in the background.


	13. TWELVE

I held San's hand in the ambulance, as the doctors put the oxygens mask on his face and tried to stop the bleeding. I could hear them talking about his condition, but none of their words entered my head. All I could think about was that San was dying, and it was my fault.

We arrived at the hospital and I followed the doctor and the nurses into the building, never leaving San's side. Wooyoung arrived at the same time, despite being in his own car, and ran to his friend's side as well. We followed them for as far as we could, but at some point the nurses blocked us, saying he had to go into surgery, and that we had to wait outside. I refused to leave him, but Wooyoung pulled me away.

I walked back and forth for a while, then Wooyoung forced me to sit down. I was probably making him more anxious. I was staring at the floor in front of me, bouncing my leg up and down nervously.

《He's gonna be okay》 Wooyoung said, putting his arms around me, trying to calm me down.

I couldn't talk nor look up from the floor. I was so scared that I felt like if I did something I would just break down.

《How about you go wash yourself?》 he said, softly.

I looked at my shaking hands, stained with San's blood. I nodded and Wooyoung helped me get up. He walked with me to the toilet and waited for me there. I walked in and got my hands under the water. I made the mistake of glancing at the mirror and saw that San's blood was also on my shirt and on my jeans. Without even realizing it, I started crying. I took all the soap I could get and washed my hands violently and repeatedly.

《Please, please, please》 I kept saying between cries 《Please, be okay, please》

《Y/N?》 Wooyoung yelled from outside 《Are you okay?》

I washed my face, closed the water faucet and looked at myself in the mirror again. I took a deep breath and walked out of the toilet. Wooyoung looked at me, worried. I knew he could see the red eyes, but he didn't say anything. He took my hand and walked me back to the seats.

I couldn't help but overthink the situation. It was my fault if San was in danger. It was my fault that he got injured. It was my fault for being too selfish. I should have just stayed with Ryan, at least the only one to suffer would have been me. There wouldn't have been other victims.

The rest of the boys arrived, asking what happened and if there were news about San. I couldn't stay there anymore and excused myself, going to the rooftop of the hospital for some fresh air. I was standing close to the edge, when Seonghwa arrived.

《What are you doing?》 he asked, worried

《I needed some fresh air》 I lied, taking a step back to not look suspicious

He sat down on the bench and I sat next to him.

《It's all my fault》 I said

《No its not》

《How could you say that?》 I asked, annoyed 《He was literally stabbed by my crazy ex boyfriend》

《It's not your fault because it was his choice. He chose to get between you and Ryan》

《If I just stayed with Ryan all of this wouldn't have happened》 I whispered to myself 《I shouldn't have ever started anything with San》

《I'm sure San would do this all over again if it meant that you were finally free from Ryan》 said Seongwha

《But I'm never really free from him》 I said 《As we already saw, he comes back whenever he wants and always takes what he wants》

《Not this time》 he replied 《We will all make sure that this time he doesn't get away with it》

A tear escaped my eyes and I tried to wipe it away before he saw it, but I wasn't fast enough. He took my hand and squeezed it softly.

《He's going to be fine》 said Seonghwa 《We all know San is a fighter. He would never leave you like this》

I nodded slowly and he hugged me. We stayed on the rooftop for a litter more, then Seonghwa convinced me to go back to the waiting room. When I went back the boys looked at me, silently asking me if everything was alright, but I didn't have time to say anything because in that moment the doctor came in the room.

《How's San?》 Wooyoung asked

《We managed to get him to stop bleeding and we closed the wound》 said the doctor 《He's gonna be alright》

I felt my legs get weak and Seonghwa helped me stay up.

《Can I see him?》 I asked

《We gave him sedatives, so he's still sleeping》 he replied 《But you can wait for him to wake up in his room》

I thanked him and Wooyoung and Seonghwa walked with me to San's room.

《Are you sure you don't want to get in too?》 I asked them

《Yes》 said Seonghwa 《You two should meet first》

They gave me a reassuring smile and I opened the door, getting in. He was laying on his bed, still unconscious, and with a drip attached to him. I took a chair and put it beside his bed, sitting on it. Despite my shaking hands, I managed to take his cold one in mine. I caressed it, silently crying.

 _At least you're alive_ , I thought.

I don't know how long I stayed there, looking at him, before he actually woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he felt was a hand holding his. He turned his head and met my watery eyes.

《Don't cry》 he said with a hoarse voice

I wanted to reply, but instead I started sobbing. He wiped away the tears with his thumb.

《I'm fine》 he said, with a sweet tone 《Don't cry》

《Why did you do that?》 I cried 《Why did you put yourself in danger like that?》

《Because I needed to protect you》 he replied 《If I didn't do it, you could have been here in my place, or even worse》

《I was so scared》

《I'm sorry》 he said

《Don't you ever do it again》 I said 《I would never forgive myself》

《No, hey》 he said softly, talking my hand 《It's not your fault okay?》

《It is》 I replied

《You broke up with me to save me, so I was the one that asked for this》 he replied 《And to be honest, I would do it all over again》

I cried harder. I felt so guilty for what happened to him. He was going to say something else, when we heard a knock on the door. The door slowly opened and the rest of the boy entered. Seonghwa gave me a reassuring smile, seeing that I was crying again.

《Hey, how are you feeling?》 Yunho asked

《I'm fine》 San replied, but everyone knew he was saying that because he didn't want me to worry or feel responsible for it

《We have good news》 said Hongjoong

San and I looked at each other, confused, then we looked at him.

《We called the police while we were waiting for you to wake up, and apparently they caught Ryan》 Hongjoong said 《What he did to you was also caught by the cctv, so the police has everything they need to get him in jail》

《If you go there and also report him for abuse, I'm pretty sure he won't be able to get out for a while》 added Jongho

I took a shaky breath and leaned on the bed. My head was starting to feel dizzy.

《Maybe we should leave you alone》 said Seonghwa, noticing my state 《If you need us, we are out in the waiting room》

San nodded and all the boys left.

《Are you okay?》 San asked

《I don't know》 I said 《I don't know what's going on anymore, I feel like I'm going crazy》

《Come here》 he said, patting on the bed

《No, you need your space and you need to rest》

《Come here》 he repeated

He winched a little while slowly moving away to make some space for me, and I climbed on the bed. He laid one arm and let me put my head on it, cuddling closer to him but always making sure I didn't touch him where he was injured.

《You should sleep for a while》 he said

《You're the injured one, not me》 I replied

《You look exhausted》 he said 《I'm sure it won't be bad if you rest for a while. I'll try to rest too, okay?》

《Okay》

I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in San's scent. Soon, I fell asleep.

-

I stayed by San's side at the hospital for the following days, only going home to take a shower every once in a while. I kept him company and made sure he had everything he needed. I still felt guilty for what happened to him, so I tried to do everything I could to make him feel better.

Once he was healthy enough to check out of the hospital, I helped him go back to his apartment and he invited me to stay with him for a while, so I brought some of my clothes there. The morning after he went back home, we went to the police station and gave our statements, and after a couple of days we attended the trial. We managed to win, and Ryan was forced to go to jail.

Slowly San and I got back to our normals lives and started to forget about all the chaos we had to go through in the previous month. We tried to start all over again like a normal couple.

Sometimes it happened that during the night I thought again about what happened and felt guilty about it, but I also felt grateful towards San. I wouldn't been here without him. He was my savior, my sweet savior.

**END**


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